Living Life in Awe

Awe (noun): 

-an overwhelming feeling of reverence, admiration, fear, etc.,

 produced by that which is grand, sublime, extremely powerful, or the like.

Awe finds us in the biggest and smallest of things. People gaze in awe at mountains and whales and pyramids, as well as four leaf clovers, pretty sea shells and the fireflies that dance in twilight shadows on warm summer evenings. Whether we are aware of it or not, we crave these moments and remember them for a long time. I'm certainly one of those people that sits on their front porch during thunderstorms, staring at black clouds, waiting for lightening to split the sky. I'm always waiting--yearning--for that moment of awe. I've stood above the clouds on mountaintops, wiggled my feet in the sand while watching a majestic Fijian sunrise and saw the Milky Way arc from horizon to horizon like a brilliant cosmic rainbow, but nothing I have seen, no song I have heard and no event I've ever experienced can compare to a little girl named Norah Grace--my daughter, my princess, my baby girl. 

I am forever astounded by the way she has been able to turn our life upside down, yet make it so much better, more worthwhile. What fills my soul most about this little girl is that she is here; that she's laughing and crying and pulling out the dog's hair and worrying me crazy because she almost wasn't.

It was a difficult birth, the worst moment of my life. When she came, she was silent and limp and whisked out of the room before we could even see her face. I tried to follow, but the doctors wouldn't let me. It was only for a few minutes, but those minutes were the longest, hardest of my life. I didn't know whether I would I get to meet my daughter. It was if the world had fallen out from under me and I was falling into darkness right with it.

The midwife came in and said I could come with her to see Norah Grace. Full of both hope and dread, I crossed the hall into the small emergency room and there she was, beet-red, a full head of hair and a heart racing like a hummingbird's. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Putting my hand on her chest, feeling her heart beating so strong was the best moment of my life. They needed to take her to the infant intensive care unit, so I went back to my wife, who was unable to get up. I told her how beautiful our daughter was and how very alive she was and we were relieved.

45 minutes later, I got to see her again.

 
She was hooked up to oxygen, an IV and had a tube running down her throat into her stomach. My wife, Amy, was able to come see Norah Grace about two hours after the birth. Even at a few hours old, we saw that our daughter was tough: she pulled the tube to her stomach completely out on her own. Amy needed to rest a bit, so we went to her room and came back shortly thereafter. The doctor had removed the tubes and we got to really see our baby girl.

The doctor did an ultrasound of her internal organs to make sure everything was okay and, during the whole process, she gripped my finger and looked me in the eye, never making a sound. This picture may be my absolute favorite and never fails to remind me of the gift we have in this little girl. Today we have a feisty, strong and healthy baby girl on our hands. Norah Grace truly fills my heart, my soul and my mind with awe every day.

This blog will be my venue for self-expression. I will share those things that awe people, things that make them feel amazed, happy, sad, intrigued. I'll post about my life, my travels and my writings, fiction and nonfiction, from both the present and the past. I welcome you to follow along and to share those things that bring awe to your own life.

-Craig